Standing on the Promises

I actually wrote the following post over a month ago, at the end of February. I feel it's very relevant now, because here in Rwanda, we are entering into the memorial week, the week when everyone reflects on and remembers the horrors of the genocide. People talk about it, watch movies about it, and have events all week in which they remember. It is interesting to me, because the rest of the year, it is very taboo to mention the subject, and from the sound of it, the topic seems to become free reign only during this one memorial week. I have heard that at some of these events, nurses and psychologists stand by to deal with the re-traumatization that happens during this time.  There is no argument that I am an outsider when it comes to this subject, and there is no way that I can understand the magnitude of how this has effected the survivors here, but I feel I owe the Rwandan people the respect of joining with them in whatever way appropriate this week. Jesus invites us to "mourn with those who mourn," and I actually do think this is an incredibly crucial part of healing, so pray with for all of us in Rwanda this week as we grieve over the losses and expect that as we let go, God brings restoration from devastation, beauty from ashes, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. It is so powerful to reflect upon the fact that God's specialty is bringing LIFE FROM DEATH! Praise Him.

Here's my entry from last month:

This month has been full of emotional and spiritual highs and lows. As I have learned more about the genocide in 1994, and as I’ve heard personal stories from friends who are my age of the horror, devastation, and tragedy that they personally experienced, I have struggled to understand and make sense of the evil and the tragedy that is still a very real part of the lives of my friends here.  I have a friend who does not know her real birthday because her parents were murdered when she was an infant and so she has no one alive in her life who knows her actual birthday. I know another friend who ran with his parents to a church to seek refuge from the ones seeking to take their lives, only to be corralled into a massive death trap, in which his parents were murdered in front of his eyes. He only survived because he was hidden beneath dead bodies and the murderers did not see him.

Hearing stories like this and more has caused me to grapple with many questions, as you can imagine. As I’ve prayed and wrestled and struggled, God has revealed to my heart and mind His goodness and His faithfulness. He has reminded me of the promises of scripture, such as those in Isaiah 35: “the desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom…”. He has exhorted me through His Word to “strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts: ‘be strong, do not fear. Your God will come, He will come with vengeance, with divine retribution, He will come to save you.’” He has reminded me that “the eyes of the blind will be opened, the ears of the deaf unstopped, then will the lame leap like a dear, and the mute tongue shout for joy! Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.” And “the ransomed of the Lord…will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.” What promises!!!! And I believe them! I am seeing previews of these promises coming to be in this land, streams of life breaking out in this land. Pray with me for the fulfillment of these promises in the hearts of the people in Rwanda, that they would see the complete fulfillment of these promises. I have seen new life and hope in the eyes and hearts of people who were once so devastated, orphaned and broken. I have seen orphans adopted into the family of God, people who were once crippled with fear and trauma finding new life in the Lord, and even voices of those who were literally muted by trauma in the genocide being loosed as Jesus sets their hearts free from fear and trauma. 

 

There are still deep wounds here, and among most, a sense of mistrust: “are you one who killed my family? Are you going to hurt me again? What is your motivation for being here? Ones like you that came here before caused deep division and deception and mistrust in our country, and from the deception that resulted,  a million were murdered here in 100 days. How are you different? What do you want from me?” These things are a reality that must be faced here. Rwanda needs the fulfillment of these promises of God. People are still finding literal remains of human beings as they dig in their fields, the land has been ravished. The land needs such massive healing from the Lord of Hosts. People are still holding hatred in their hearts. A massive movement of REPENTANCE and FORGIVENESS is desperately needed to break out in this land in order to bring healing and restoration. Join with me in speaking “Grace to this mountain…” of devastation, that the mountain would be demolished and new life would begin to arise in this place. 

“Who are you, oh mighty mountain? Before Zerubbabel  you shall become a plain; and he shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shoutings, crying, “grace, grace unto it!” Zechariah 4:7

Do I Understand Sacrifice?

Sacrifice. A word I'd like to think I understand. A word that I try to convince myself and others that I understand. If there is one thing I am learning here it is that I have understood up to this point in my life very little of what that word means. I was confronted today by a Rwandan friend who was asking me if I could make a very simple change in order to better accommodate him, his needs, and his culture. I found it incredibly challenging. This was not a matter of what was right and what was wrong, but merely what was comfortable for me. This change that he was requesting was making me uncomfortable, for no reason other than I was brought up in a culture in which I highly value my independence, and I'm realizing that any request that jeopardizes my sense of self-reliance is making me incredibly uncomfortable. I would like to think I understand how to give things up in order to serve my fellow man, as Jesus calls us to do. 1 John 3:16 states that this is even how we know what love is: That Jesus laid down His life for us. So we also ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. I think that I have probably talked a big game in the past, perhaps even spouting off some pious words about how we should lay down our lives for our brothers, but have I had even the foggiest clue of what I was saying? I'm beginning to think I probably did not have as much of a clue as I thought I did. If I was really emulating Jesus in laying down my life for my brothers, would I have such a hard time giving up a simple comfort of my culture to accommodate a Rwandan brother? Jesus was hung on a cross for me. Do I really understand the weight of that sacrifice when I struggle to make the simplest changes in my life? Paul was beaten, jailed, shipwrecked, and did it all with joy to be counted worthy of sharing in the fellowship of the sufferings of Jesus. These are not stories in a history book, they are real-life examples in a manual of how we are called to live ourselves.

Jesus was one with God. Jesus was in very nature God. But He became so much like me that the average Joe on the street would not have even been able to tell us apart. Did I deserve that? Did He have to go to that extreme? He met with us in the most real way: by BECOMING ONE OF US. Incarnation. Joining with His people in the deepest way possible. Am I really willing to lay down my life for my brother? To empty myself of myself so that I can truly embrace the mission of Jesus, to empty myself of my American comforts, water, independence, self-reliance, comfort, comfort, comfort, and be willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of joining with my Rwandan brothers and sisters as I serve them? Not serving them as someone who is somehow higher up or more elite (how very presumptuous is the thought, but how many of us really show that is how we believe by our elitist actions..."well, I deserve running water because I'm an American!), but serving as someone who is willing to get low, to get dirty, to get uncomfortable, for the sake of truly serving, from the bottom up, like Jesus did.

"Take up your cross and follow me." -Jesus.

Where is He leading you today? Are you willing to follow, even if it makes you uncomfortable? Is He worth it? Is your fellow man worth it?

"This is how we know what love is. Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers." 1 John 3:16.

My First Month: The day to day

So I'm sure many of you have given up on ever seeing a blog post on here! Adjusting to life here and starting the new work has kept me very busy and pretty exhausted, but I've finally got a few hours on this Saturday to try to catch you up on what life in Rwanda is like.

Having never been to Africa, I had no real understanding of what to expect once I got here. Some things here in the city were more developed than I thought (paved main roads, internet service that allows me almost regular access to the internet,etc) and I think, given those things, I was more surprised to find how challenging some things can be here. For instance, when I first moved into the guest room where I'm staying, several weeks ago, I had running water for one day, but after that, the water had been all used up and there was no more! The woman who works here fetched me some water from some water source in town in a big yellow jug (picture attached) and that is the water that I used for bathing, washing hands, dishes, flushing the toilet (the least pleasant and most interesting of all of the above) and everything else, for quite some time! Learning to live without running water was quite an adjustment. Things took much more time than I'm accustomed to in the States. In the states, we turn the faucet on and wash our dishes, hands, and bodies, without giving it a second thought. I had to go through several more steps to accomplish the same goal! Very time consuming!

Another thing I had to get used to were the unusual creatures I began to find in my room: spiders and other bugs that I do not recognize, a few lizards, and LOTS of mosquitoes! (The mosquitoes at least look the same!) They are called "imibu" here. I learned that very quickly. When I first began discovering these creatures, it caused quite a bit of alarm for me, as a typical American woman ("umunyamerika kasi"), who typically cowers in fear at the sight of a bug in my home! I'm happy to report that now I just squash them and move on.

For the most part, the people here are very friendly. The children stare, wave, and will very often leave whatever they are doing to follow me as I walk to my destination. They hold my hands and grab for my skin and hair to touch and take in. They are precious. When I say hello to them, they giggle with one another with great amusement. Sometimes the adults giggle, too. Actually, quite often, the adults giggle, too. People are amused when I try to greet them in their native tongue. I have learned most of the greetings, and a few verbs and nouns to help me get by. There is a precious woman here, a disciple maker, named Charlotte, who has begun this week to help me with language learning.

More on the language: Every American that I have run into here has expressed how very difficult the language is. Technically, the language is a Bantu language, most of which have fairly simple rules to follow, but I have heard many state that this language should not be qualified as such, as it is very different and much more complex and challenging. My partners here who have been here for over 3 years all state that they still do not have a good grasp on the language.  When I first arrived here and began hearing this foreign tongue, I was greatly overwhelmed, as every sound seemed to be one I'd never heard before. It all sounded like gobbledy-gook to my American ears, not one single word recognizable. I'm happy to report that the more immersed I am in the culture and language, the more sounds and words I am beginning to recognize and learn and be able to pronounce. I am beginning to thoroughly enjoy learning the language; I even enjoy learning the rules: a true nerd at heart. It is a great challenge and I feel a great sense of accomplishment when I'm able to speak with my friends in simple Kinyarwanda. They enjoy and appreciate my efforts, as well. I'm hoping to learn a great deal during my time here. I have learned to say, "My name is Jessica. I am from America, and I am in Rwanda to help Rwandans to know English." : "nitwa Jessica. Ndi umumyamerika kasi. Ndi murwanda gufasha abanyrwanda kumenya Ichongereza." There you have it, folks, your Kinyarwanda lesson of the day.

The weather here is outstanding. Cool and breezy in the mornings, maybe upper 80's in the middle of the day, but most of the time there is a bit of a breeze to take the edge off. There is, obviously (or maybe not obviously) no air conditioning here, but opening the window and keeping the precious fan going in the room keeps it very tolerable, even pleasant. It is a very beautiful country. I hope to post a few pictures to give you an idea of the beauty.

Thanks for hanging with me for so long with no posts. Hope this one finds you well! More to come soon regarding my spiritual and emotional experiences in the land so far!

The road to my "home"

This mosquito net keeps the buggies away from sleeping beauty

This is my water supply when the guesthouse runs out of water (frequently)

My little rooster friend in my backyard. He wakes up really early.