Standing on the Promises

I actually wrote the following post over a month ago, at the end of February. I feel it's very relevant now, because here in Rwanda, we are entering into the memorial week, the week when everyone reflects on and remembers the horrors of the genocide. People talk about it, watch movies about it, and have events all week in which they remember. It is interesting to me, because the rest of the year, it is very taboo to mention the subject, and from the sound of it, the topic seems to become free reign only during this one memorial week. I have heard that at some of these events, nurses and psychologists stand by to deal with the re-traumatization that happens during this time.  There is no argument that I am an outsider when it comes to this subject, and there is no way that I can understand the magnitude of how this has effected the survivors here, but I feel I owe the Rwandan people the respect of joining with them in whatever way appropriate this week. Jesus invites us to "mourn with those who mourn," and I actually do think this is an incredibly crucial part of healing, so pray with for all of us in Rwanda this week as we grieve over the losses and expect that as we let go, God brings restoration from devastation, beauty from ashes, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. It is so powerful to reflect upon the fact that God's specialty is bringing LIFE FROM DEATH! Praise Him.

Here's my entry from last month:

This month has been full of emotional and spiritual highs and lows. As I have learned more about the genocide in 1994, and as I’ve heard personal stories from friends who are my age of the horror, devastation, and tragedy that they personally experienced, I have struggled to understand and make sense of the evil and the tragedy that is still a very real part of the lives of my friends here.  I have a friend who does not know her real birthday because her parents were murdered when she was an infant and so she has no one alive in her life who knows her actual birthday. I know another friend who ran with his parents to a church to seek refuge from the ones seeking to take their lives, only to be corralled into a massive death trap, in which his parents were murdered in front of his eyes. He only survived because he was hidden beneath dead bodies and the murderers did not see him.

Hearing stories like this and more has caused me to grapple with many questions, as you can imagine. As I’ve prayed and wrestled and struggled, God has revealed to my heart and mind His goodness and His faithfulness. He has reminded me of the promises of scripture, such as those in Isaiah 35: “the desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom…”. He has exhorted me through His Word to “strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts: ‘be strong, do not fear. Your God will come, He will come with vengeance, with divine retribution, He will come to save you.’” He has reminded me that “the eyes of the blind will be opened, the ears of the deaf unstopped, then will the lame leap like a dear, and the mute tongue shout for joy! Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.” And “the ransomed of the Lord…will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.” What promises!!!! And I believe them! I am seeing previews of these promises coming to be in this land, streams of life breaking out in this land. Pray with me for the fulfillment of these promises in the hearts of the people in Rwanda, that they would see the complete fulfillment of these promises. I have seen new life and hope in the eyes and hearts of people who were once so devastated, orphaned and broken. I have seen orphans adopted into the family of God, people who were once crippled with fear and trauma finding new life in the Lord, and even voices of those who were literally muted by trauma in the genocide being loosed as Jesus sets their hearts free from fear and trauma. 

 

There are still deep wounds here, and among most, a sense of mistrust: “are you one who killed my family? Are you going to hurt me again? What is your motivation for being here? Ones like you that came here before caused deep division and deception and mistrust in our country, and from the deception that resulted,  a million were murdered here in 100 days. How are you different? What do you want from me?” These things are a reality that must be faced here. Rwanda needs the fulfillment of these promises of God. People are still finding literal remains of human beings as they dig in their fields, the land has been ravished. The land needs such massive healing from the Lord of Hosts. People are still holding hatred in their hearts. A massive movement of REPENTANCE and FORGIVENESS is desperately needed to break out in this land in order to bring healing and restoration. Join with me in speaking “Grace to this mountain…” of devastation, that the mountain would be demolished and new life would begin to arise in this place. 

“Who are you, oh mighty mountain? Before Zerubbabel  you shall become a plain; and he shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shoutings, crying, “grace, grace unto it!” Zechariah 4:7

Do I Understand Sacrifice?

Sacrifice. A word I'd like to think I understand. A word that I try to convince myself and others that I understand. If there is one thing I am learning here it is that I have understood up to this point in my life very little of what that word means. I was confronted today by a Rwandan friend who was asking me if I could make a very simple change in order to better accommodate him, his needs, and his culture. I found it incredibly challenging. This was not a matter of what was right and what was wrong, but merely what was comfortable for me. This change that he was requesting was making me uncomfortable, for no reason other than I was brought up in a culture in which I highly value my independence, and I'm realizing that any request that jeopardizes my sense of self-reliance is making me incredibly uncomfortable. I would like to think I understand how to give things up in order to serve my fellow man, as Jesus calls us to do. 1 John 3:16 states that this is even how we know what love is: That Jesus laid down His life for us. So we also ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. I think that I have probably talked a big game in the past, perhaps even spouting off some pious words about how we should lay down our lives for our brothers, but have I had even the foggiest clue of what I was saying? I'm beginning to think I probably did not have as much of a clue as I thought I did. If I was really emulating Jesus in laying down my life for my brothers, would I have such a hard time giving up a simple comfort of my culture to accommodate a Rwandan brother? Jesus was hung on a cross for me. Do I really understand the weight of that sacrifice when I struggle to make the simplest changes in my life? Paul was beaten, jailed, shipwrecked, and did it all with joy to be counted worthy of sharing in the fellowship of the sufferings of Jesus. These are not stories in a history book, they are real-life examples in a manual of how we are called to live ourselves.

Jesus was one with God. Jesus was in very nature God. But He became so much like me that the average Joe on the street would not have even been able to tell us apart. Did I deserve that? Did He have to go to that extreme? He met with us in the most real way: by BECOMING ONE OF US. Incarnation. Joining with His people in the deepest way possible. Am I really willing to lay down my life for my brother? To empty myself of myself so that I can truly embrace the mission of Jesus, to empty myself of my American comforts, water, independence, self-reliance, comfort, comfort, comfort, and be willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of joining with my Rwandan brothers and sisters as I serve them? Not serving them as someone who is somehow higher up or more elite (how very presumptuous is the thought, but how many of us really show that is how we believe by our elitist actions..."well, I deserve running water because I'm an American!), but serving as someone who is willing to get low, to get dirty, to get uncomfortable, for the sake of truly serving, from the bottom up, like Jesus did.

"Take up your cross and follow me." -Jesus.

Where is He leading you today? Are you willing to follow, even if it makes you uncomfortable? Is He worth it? Is your fellow man worth it?

"This is how we know what love is. Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers." 1 John 3:16.

My First Month: The day to day

So I'm sure many of you have given up on ever seeing a blog post on here! Adjusting to life here and starting the new work has kept me very busy and pretty exhausted, but I've finally got a few hours on this Saturday to try to catch you up on what life in Rwanda is like.

Having never been to Africa, I had no real understanding of what to expect once I got here. Some things here in the city were more developed than I thought (paved main roads, internet service that allows me almost regular access to the internet,etc) and I think, given those things, I was more surprised to find how challenging some things can be here. For instance, when I first moved into the guest room where I'm staying, several weeks ago, I had running water for one day, but after that, the water had been all used up and there was no more! The woman who works here fetched me some water from some water source in town in a big yellow jug (picture attached) and that is the water that I used for bathing, washing hands, dishes, flushing the toilet (the least pleasant and most interesting of all of the above) and everything else, for quite some time! Learning to live without running water was quite an adjustment. Things took much more time than I'm accustomed to in the States. In the states, we turn the faucet on and wash our dishes, hands, and bodies, without giving it a second thought. I had to go through several more steps to accomplish the same goal! Very time consuming!

Another thing I had to get used to were the unusual creatures I began to find in my room: spiders and other bugs that I do not recognize, a few lizards, and LOTS of mosquitoes! (The mosquitoes at least look the same!) They are called "imibu" here. I learned that very quickly. When I first began discovering these creatures, it caused quite a bit of alarm for me, as a typical American woman ("umunyamerika kasi"), who typically cowers in fear at the sight of a bug in my home! I'm happy to report that now I just squash them and move on.

For the most part, the people here are very friendly. The children stare, wave, and will very often leave whatever they are doing to follow me as I walk to my destination. They hold my hands and grab for my skin and hair to touch and take in. They are precious. When I say hello to them, they giggle with one another with great amusement. Sometimes the adults giggle, too. Actually, quite often, the adults giggle, too. People are amused when I try to greet them in their native tongue. I have learned most of the greetings, and a few verbs and nouns to help me get by. There is a precious woman here, a disciple maker, named Charlotte, who has begun this week to help me with language learning.

More on the language: Every American that I have run into here has expressed how very difficult the language is. Technically, the language is a Bantu language, most of which have fairly simple rules to follow, but I have heard many state that this language should not be qualified as such, as it is very different and much more complex and challenging. My partners here who have been here for over 3 years all state that they still do not have a good grasp on the language.  When I first arrived here and began hearing this foreign tongue, I was greatly overwhelmed, as every sound seemed to be one I'd never heard before. It all sounded like gobbledy-gook to my American ears, not one single word recognizable. I'm happy to report that the more immersed I am in the culture and language, the more sounds and words I am beginning to recognize and learn and be able to pronounce. I am beginning to thoroughly enjoy learning the language; I even enjoy learning the rules: a true nerd at heart. It is a great challenge and I feel a great sense of accomplishment when I'm able to speak with my friends in simple Kinyarwanda. They enjoy and appreciate my efforts, as well. I'm hoping to learn a great deal during my time here. I have learned to say, "My name is Jessica. I am from America, and I am in Rwanda to help Rwandans to know English." : "nitwa Jessica. Ndi umumyamerika kasi. Ndi murwanda gufasha abanyrwanda kumenya Ichongereza." There you have it, folks, your Kinyarwanda lesson of the day.

The weather here is outstanding. Cool and breezy in the mornings, maybe upper 80's in the middle of the day, but most of the time there is a bit of a breeze to take the edge off. There is, obviously (or maybe not obviously) no air conditioning here, but opening the window and keeping the precious fan going in the room keeps it very tolerable, even pleasant. It is a very beautiful country. I hope to post a few pictures to give you an idea of the beauty.

Thanks for hanging with me for so long with no posts. Hope this one finds you well! More to come soon regarding my spiritual and emotional experiences in the land so far!

The road to my "home"

This mosquito net keeps the buggies away from sleeping beauty

This is my water supply when the guesthouse runs out of water (frequently)

My little rooster friend in my backyard. He wakes up really early.

Let's Start Talking: Rwanda Style

In my last post, I shared how my experience with Let's Start Talking (not to mention numerous other powerful encounters with Jesus and His people over the last 2 years) electrified my heart and burned into me a passion to know God's love and to make His love known. After one month in Kiev, Ukraine, 2 weeks in Morelia, Mexico, and 2 years here in the states being transformed by God's love and awakened to his calling on my life and figuring out what it means to live for him, I am ready to go. Every time I got back from a Let's Start Talking short term trip, I would come home telling my friends, "goodness, I just feel like I'm made for this. If there was only a way I could do this exact thing full time..." Well, as it would turn out, God has made a way for me to do that exact thing long term, on a Let's Start Talking internship to Kigali, Rwanda for 10 months. I will be helping people for whom English is not a primary language to learn and practice their English skills by reading the Bible with them and sharing life and meaningful relationships with them. As in my other LST trips, I will be sharing the gospel and getting to see people's lives transformed by the Word of God! As Rwanda has recently decided to make English its official language, there is an incredible need for English learning in the country right now, so my services in helping people to practice and learn English will definitely be meeting an important need of the Rwandan people at this point in time. I will also be able to participate in the efforts of a group of missionaries currently in Rwanda who are partnering with the Lord in bringing restoration and hope to a formerly severely battered and beaten country, nearly destroyed by war and genocide. God has given this group of missionaries vision to accomplish this restoration and healing through a massive disciple making movement and other works of restoration, such as The Peace House (a place of healing, nurturing and growth for former street children), and a new day program for street youth, just to name a few.  God has put a massive vision into the hearts of these Rwandan missionaries. As they set out on their own journey years ago and asked the Lord for a vision of what He wanted to do in Rwanda, He put the following verse on their heart: ""pay back into the laps of our neighbors 7 times the reproach they have hurled at you, O Lord." (Psalm 79:12). They believe that the souls killed in the genocide were a reproach that the enemy (Satan) hurled against the Lord, and that the Lord would desire to see 7 times the reproach hurled into the lap of the enemy, by seeing 7 souls come to know Jesus for every one soul who was stolen in the genocide. That is 7 million disciples of Jesus! This is an act far beyond the reach of any human; the only way something like this can be accomplished is a mighty act of God, and many, including myself, are believing for a mighty act of God to break forth in Rwanda as more people join in prayer and petition. To see this out, the missionaries in Rwanda are asking for everyone to participate in Rwanda 10:2b prayer movement (From Luke 10:2b: "Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field.") To learn more about the harvest and vision in Rwanda, and to join the movement, please check out the Rwanda Harvest website at http://rwandaharvest.com/ .

I am just coming out of my skin with excitement to get to share this journey with you!  I am looking for partners to commit to praying with me throughout this journey. If you are interested in joining my prayer team, please email me at missjessiejean@gmail.com. I am also looking for financial partners to join my sending team. If you wish to join me in this way, you may make an online donation or monthly pledge at http://www.lst.org/2012projects/jessiesorenson, or you can email me for more options. You can also click the "Let's Start Talking" link on this blog to join my sending team. Thank you for coming alongside with me in this journey!

How It All Began

OK, let's get busy. In my last post, I shared with you a very brief glimpse into God's calling me into His Kingdom; now, I want to share with you my journey into missions and how it all got started. After God led me through some radical life shifts, He began drawing me to forget my old way of making decisions (which was shoddy at best), and he invited me to entrust my future to Him as He led me from place to place. In 2008, He led me to Fort Worth, TX, but by the end of that year, I had gotten into the groove of Christianity in the "Bible belt," going to church, doing all the social functions, and like any good 20-something Christian girl, trying to figure out which one of these "good church boys" was going to be my husband. I had read the stories in the Bible of people radically abandoning their lives for the gospel,  people cutting holes through rooftops for a touch from Jesus, chasing after him down dusty paths to touch his cloak, and I had desired the adventure of knowing this life of following Jesus. But here I was, sitting in a chilly air-conditioned room with 2 dozen other people my age, singing worship songs, but finding myself distracted by the others in the room, "what's their story? Where are they going? Man, that girl sure is wearing a lot of make-up. Man, that guy sure is muscular; he's probably way too into himself. Oooh, that guy looks like he's really getting into the worship; I bet he's really spiritual. Maybe HE could be my husband!" Oh, how I wish I was exaggerating. Something about what I was reading in my Bible and what I was experiencing in real life was not adding up. I was definitely not content in this place. Something in me KNEW that this was only a halfhearted existence. Something in me KNEW that I was meant for so much more.

And just as I started to feel hopeless, like my life would be no more than being discontented and trying to distract myself with boys and entertainment,  it started happening. God began to pursue my heart from every angle, taking me deeper into the reality of His love and giving me a glimpse into a lifestyle that seemed to be much more aligned with what I was reading in that book about Jesus. The jumping off point was when I was approached in summer 2009 to go on a missions trip with a group called "Let's Start Talking" for one month in Kiev, Ukraine. I had been praying for some sort of opportunity to get out of this weird little bubble I found myself in, and one day someone just approached me and said, "Jessie, all of this money has been raised for this trip and we just desperately need for someone to say yes and go." (God has always been so gracious to give me a clear, easy on-ramp to say yes to Him). I prayed, felt a stirring in my heart that said this was it, and I said yes. As I prepared to go on this trip, reading the materials that "Let's Start Talking" puts together to prepare individuals to go and share the gospel with people, my heart was stirred and revived. I was moved to tears...sobs, really...as I read about the power of sharing the gospel and the story of Jesus with others through reading the word with them and sharing life with them. The power of the Word of God and the impact that I heard it having on people who'd never heard it revived my heart, awakened something in me that had been slumbering. I knew in that moment that I was created for this, to share the power of Jesus, the real God-man, the breather of life, who walked this earth and who took on every bit of sin and darkness into his own grave, and who left it buried there, being resurrected in complete newness, giving me that same resurrection from death to complete newness and freedom. I was made for this.

Welcome!

I am looking forward to finally start talking with you all about this journey into missions into which God has been drawing me for years. Jesus radically got a hold of me in 2006, showing me his love and mercy in supernatural ways and drawing me to take the plunge into His goodness. I did, and have never looked back. His love has purged away hurt, shame, bitterness, and regret, and in their place, He has rooted into me His fierce love, kindness, and the knowledge of His precious Father's heart, just to name a few. These things are being rooted deeper and deeper as He's taking me on a journey to know more and more of His heart. He has rescued me from the dominion of darkness and brought me into His Kingdom; He has adopted me into His family and teaching me day by day what it means to be His kid. Thank you for sharing with me in this journey!